Becoming Okay....

Today marks the 7th day that I have gone without seeing him, gone without touching him, gone without smelling him and gone without being totally consumed by his essence. Now most people may say "a week?! - Oh thats nothing!" - but to me, and hopefully to us (may be pushing it -after all he is male!) it seems like forever! We have always had to spend so much time alone, but this time, this summer was amazing. I can't remember the last time that I felt so happy and whole and without the urge to say this moment would be perfect if only... Waking up every morning and going to sleep every niguht next to the person you love more than anything has to top the greatest feeling comprehensible to man.
Now that deployment has knocked on opportunity's door, I feel lost and angry and pressured to be strong when I need time to adjust to the simple and harsh reality that the danger that is possibly present could take him away forever. I feel like I just woke up from one of the dreams that everyone had when they were little (well except rich people), you know the one where you dream you had loads and loads of cash and when you wake up you look for where you put your fantasy money just to become disappointed. At times I want to (and have) let the 5 year old in me out and just pouted and cried and cried until I couldnt bear to think about it anymore.
At times I get so so so-so upset at Jeremy for volunteering to go on deployment, I feel like he has abandoned me, but then I suddenly feel a swelling of pride in my chest because the man that I married has such a good heart. No one would step up to deploy and so he did, he always looks out for other people and does more than is needed to get by. I just wish that my heart was half the size of his and I could be more understanding of his decisions and reasons behind them.
Right now though, I have to be more than strong, I have to be invincible. He is the ground beneath me and without him I'm learning to fly because I refuse to let us fall. I'm being what he needs me to be while he's out letting people need him...



175 more days to go...

Signed,
Healthy and Hopeful